Times have been pretty stressful and hectic lately. You may find yourself or people you know getting into heated arguments or finding a hill to die on at the expense of personal relationships. Sometimes, we become so dependant on the outcome of things that are ultimately out of our control that it tears us apart, inside and outside.
As coaches, we learn to take a more objective point of view. We learn to open our clients up to more possibilities. We learn to detach ourselves from the outcomes of our client's success or failures.
On Tuesday we hosted another CLCI LIVE with Lisa Finck (C.P.C., A.C.C.), Brooke Adair Walters (M.C.L.C., C.P.C), and Jerome LeDuff Jr (M.C.L.C.) and discover why in coaching and our personal lives we utilize Outcome Independence & Grey Thinking.
Finding the Grey in the Black & White
To start with a sampling of what's in our Level 2 Master Certified Life Coach™ course, we go over what Black & White thinking is and why it can be harmful.
Do you often find yourself or clients using absolute terms or saying...
Things are either good or bad
Easy or impossible
Always, forever, or never
Everyone or no one
Love or hate
Real or fake
All or none
We aren't saying you should never use Black & White thinking. Yes, 2 + 2 always equals 4, but life isn't always as clear cut and rational. People, coaches included, usually like easy answers to hard questions but our job isn't to provide easy answers to client's. In that case we need to manage our fixer.
What we try to do as coaches is to help our clients think in shades of Grey. When we encourage Grey thinking, we dispel stereotypes, have a more realistic view of the world, and encourage acceptance, forgiveness, and empathy. In doing so, we expand the client's worldview and open other possibilities. Once they've made a decision, then we can support and encourage their Black & White choices.
This is a tough one; we all want our client's to succeed in their endeavors but you can only have so much control over your client's outcomes or results. It is ultimately up to them and even greater outside factors whether they succeed or not. By relinquishing our outcome dependency, we also let go of our responsibility for the outcome and give it to our client, good or bad.
This is important for our clients because:
With good outcomes, we want them to take full credit and bask in that winning moment, making their efforts worth it.
With bad outcomes, we want them to learn from their own mistakes and honestly evaluate how they can now proceed.
Becoming outcome independent is important for coaches because we then learn self-validation. Our confidence and pride as a coach comes from knowing you have done your best, have been authentic, and have provided the best service.
By being outcome independentant and professionally detattched, you set aside your ego and vanity and replace it with an inner affirmation that, no matter the outcome. you are valuable.
One Final Important PSA
Last week our own Brooke Adair Walters MCPC got the opportunity to interview Jack Canfield best selling author of The Success Principles and Chicken Soup for the Soul. Jack shares some amazing insight about what coaches can do to succeed! Jack will be speaking at Coach Talks this November. Get your tickets here. Learn from Jack's wisdom and learn more about Coach Talks in the video below!
Not only will Jack Canfield be speaking but or own facilitators will be speaking at Coach Talks. Dan Olexa on the 13th, and both Lisa Finck & Brooke Adair Walters on the 15th. Be sure to check out our CLCI LIVE next Tuesday 11/10 for a chance at free tickets for Coach Talks!
Lisa Finck, Brooke Adair Walters, and Jerome LeDuff Jr.
Join us every Tuesday at 4 pm PST/7 PM EST for our CLCI Live Facebook Demos.