Me and My Big Fat Mouth

We’ve all been there, the conversation ends, and the replay begins. You start analyzing every word, your heart sinks, and the phrase “Why did I say that?” becomes the night’s soundtrack. Whether it’s unloading too much personal detail in a moment of connection or revealing something raw and unfiltered, oversharing is a deeply human impulse.

But it’s also one that can leave us feeling exposed, embarrassed, or disconnected from the very people we hoped to bond with. The Certified Life Coach Institute team, Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), Lisa Finck (MCC), Jerome LeDuff Jr. (MCLC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Jen Long (PCC), recently dove into this topic on Being Human Live, exploring what drives oversharing, how to handle a “vulnerability hangover,” and how coaches can guide clients through both sides of the experience.

Why We Overshare

At its core, oversharing is an attempt to connect. It’s the nervous laugh that fills a silence, the impulsive confession that blurts out before you can stop it, the story you tell because you just want to be understood.

For some, it’s a coping mechanism, a somewhat harmless way to manage discomfort or loneliness through self-disclosure. For others, it’s a byproduct of our hyper-connected world, where sharing personal details has become a social currency. When everything from daily habits to emotional breakdowns is shared online, our internal filter starts to blur.

In coaching, oversharing often appears as emotional overflow. A client might reveal intimate or off-topic details as they process something deeper, using the space as a release valve. This isn’t inherently bad as vulnerability can be a gateway to authenticity; but, without boundaries, it can leave both client and coach feeling adrift.

The Vulnerability Hangover

The term “vulnerability hangover” perfectly captures what happens after the floodgates open. It’s that gnawing post-conversation dread, when openness morphs into self-doubt. You start wondering if you said too much, if the listener (or coach) judged you, or if you’ve just dismantled your own credibility.

Psychologically, this reaction is rooted in our need for belonging and safety. When we share something personal, we expose parts of ourselves we normally keep protected. If the response feels cold, awkward, or dismissive, the brain interprets that as social rejection and embarrassment.

In coaching, the aftermath can manifest as avoidance: a client who was once open suddenly withdraws or becomes guarded. Or a coach, after revealing too much about their own life in a moment of empathy, feels self-conscious in later sessions. Vulnerability hangovers, in this sense, are the emotional price of connection without safety.

The Listener’s Power

Oversharing isn’t just about what’s said, but how the the person on the other end reacts. The listener’s reaction can transform an awkward overshare into a moment of deep connection or, conversely, a source of lingering shame.

As coaches, we hold tremendous influence in this regard. When clients share more than they intend, our role isn’t to judge or redirect too abruptly, but to witness with care. By staying grounded, maintaining presence, and reflecting what we hear without dramatizing or dismissing it, we create safety.

This safety helps convert oversharing into insight. A coach might gently ask, “What made this feel important to share?” or “What are you noticing now that you’ve said that out loud?” Such questions invite awareness rather than judgment. They help the client move from emotional release to reflection; the place where coaching actually begins.

When Coaches Overshare

Coaches aren’t immune to the impulse either. The desire to connect, empathize, or “relate” can lead to self-disclosure that shifts the focus away from the client. Sharing small, relevant anecdotes can build rapport, but oversharing can blur boundaries or subtly center the coach’s experience.

There’s also another layer of vulnerability for coaches: not knowing the answer. Many new coaches fear silence or uncertainty, rushing to fill the space with explanation or reassurance. But in reality, the most powerful coaching often comes from restraint. Holding space for discomfort is an act of courage, both for the coach and the client.

By embracing their own vulnerability without oversharing it, coaches model what balanced openness looks like. It says: You don’t have to perform your pain to be seen. You just have to be present with it.

Recovering From the Vulnerability Hangover

So what do we do after we’ve said too much? First, remember that regret doesn’t mean you did something wrong, merely that you care. Oversharing is often a sign that your emotions were louder than your internal editor, not that you crossed an unforgivable line.

Recovery starts with self-compassion. Instead of replaying the moment on a loop, acknowledge what happened, breathe, and ground yourself. Many people find release through movement, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend. Coaches can encourage clients to notice the why behind their oversharing. Was it loneliness? anxiety? excitement?

Turning that reflection into insight helps transform embarrassment into growth. If oversharing was an attempt to connect, then awareness becomes the bridge to more intentional, reciprocal connection next time.

Coaching Toward Healthy Vulnerability

For life coaches, the lesson is twofold: vulnerability is necessary, but context is everything. Clients who overshare aren’t “doing it wrong”, they’re practicing being open in an unsafe world. It’s our job to honor that attempt and help them calibrate it to the best of their ability and direct that enthusiasm to a greater goal.

In practice, that might mean exploring boundaries and trust. What does safe sharing look like? How does it feel in the body when openness becomes overexposure? Where is the line between authenticity and impulsivity?

By helping clients discern these nuances, coaches turn vulnerability from a source of shame into a skill of discernment.

Oversharing, like any habit, can be refined into awareness. For clients, that awareness builds self-trust. For coaches, it reinforces empathy and boundary-setting.

In the end, the question isn’t “Did I say too much?” but “Did I say what mattered: to the right person, at the right time, for the right reason?” When we learn to share from that place, vulnerability stops being a hangover and starts becoming a practice of courage.

Thank you,

Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)

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