What is your version of self-care?

Self-care is supposed to feel good, right? Yet for many, the mere mention of it triggers guilt, resistance, or exhaustion. Between work, relationships, and responsibilities, taking care of oneself can feel less like an act of love and more like another item on an endless to-do list.

In this week’s CLCI Live, Jen Long (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), and Jerome LeDuff Jr. (MCLC) explore the strange paradox of self-care: why it so often feels like work, how we confuse it with indulgence or maintenance, and how coaching can help clients reconnect with genuine self-nourishment rather than obligation.

What Even Is Self-Care?

The phrase “self-care” has been worn thin by repetition. For some, it conjures bubble baths and spa days; for others, it means forcing themselves to meditate, exercise, or eat kale. But not all care is created equal.

Keep in mind, self-care isn’t the same as self-maintenance, i.e. the routine, necessary tasks that keep us functioning, like eating, cleaning, or sleeping. Nor is it self-indulgence, which prioritizes instant gratification without long-term benefit. True self-care lives somewhere between those two extremes: it’s an intentional investment in one’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

That distinction matters, because much of what clients call “self-care” doesn’t actually restore them. It may comfort in the moment, but it doesn’t replenish. A coach’s role is to help clients recognize what truly sustains them, not just what distracts them.

Why Does It Feel Like Work?

Self-care becomes a chore when it’s divorced from enjoyment or authenticity. It’s easy to treat self-care as another obligation, to journal because you’re supposed to, or to go to the gym because everyone says you should. What’s missing is connection.

Many clients carry deep-seated beliefs that caring for themselves is selfish or lazy. Others are simply burned out and can’t muster the energy to add one more thing to their list. In coaching conversations, this often surfaces as guilt, “I should be doing more” or avoidance, “I just don’t have time”.

Society doesn’t help. The language of productivity seeps into everything, we “optimize” our morning routines, “hack” our sleep, and “schedule” our joy. When even rest is measured, the act of care loses its spontaneity.

For coaches, this is an opportunity to slow clients down. Instead of asking, “How can you fit self-care into your schedule?” ask, “What would it mean to give yourself permission to care for yourself, even when no one’s watching?”

When Caring Feels Like Another Task

Even with time and intention, self-care can still feel tedious. Clients often describe the disconnect between knowing what would help and actually doing it. The mental resistance, “I know I should, but I don’t want to”, isn’t laziness; it’s emotional friction.

Self-care asks for effort without immediate payoff. Unlike tasks that visibly benefit others, it’s inward-facing, and that can feel less urgent. A parent will skip their walk to help with homework; an entrepreneur will work late rather than log off early. The result is that self-care becomes the first thing sacrificed in service of others.

In coaching, this is fertile ground. Coaches can help clients notice the stories behind their reluctance. Is it guilt? Fear of slowing down? Or simply the habit of putting everyone else first? By reframing self-care as an act of integrity rather than indulgence, coaches can shift the narrative from selfish to sustainable.

Self-Care, Not Self-Indulgence

One of the more common traps for both coaches and clients is mistaking indulgence for care. Self-care sometimes requires discomfort: setting boundaries, skipping the quick fix, or choosing the harder but healthier path. Self-indulgence, by contrast, seeks ease at all costs.

That doesn’t mean joy is off-limits—quite the opposite. Real self-care includes pleasure, but it’s the kind that restores, not depletes. The aftertaste is peace, not guilt. Coaches can help clients distinguish between actions that are merely pleasurable and those that are genuinely supportive of long-term well-being.

This process takes awareness. When clients learn to listen to their bodies and emotions by asking, “Do I feel more alive after this?” They can tell the difference between comfort and avoidance.

Making Self-Care Actionable (and Enjoyable)

For many, self-care fails because it’s framed as an obligation rather than a choice. The goal isn’t to build another checklist but to build a relationship with oneself.

Coaches can invite clients to reimagine care as something woven into daily life rather than reserved for crisis. A five-minute pause between meetings, a slow meal, or even turning off notifications can all be powerful. The scale doesn’t matter; the intention does.

Consistency is built through kindness, not discipline. Small acts done regularly and chosen because they genuinely resonate can help create a sustainable rhythm of care. Over time, clients can transform self-care from a chore into a natural part of who they are, not something they have to force.

Final Thoughts

Self-care doesn’t always feel good in the moment, but it’s the foundation that allows everything else to. As coaches, we can help clients rediscover that caring for themselves isn’t an indulgence or an afterthought, it’s essential maintenance for the mind and spirit.

By guiding clients to define what real care means for them beyond trends, stereotypes, and expectations, we help them cultivate lives that are not only functional but fulfilling.

When self-care starts to feel like a chore, that’s the cue to pause, listen, and realign. The goal isn’t to do self-care better, it’s to do it more honestly.

Thank you,

Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)

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