Sometimes the grass is greener, but you should still water your own lawn

I'm behind. It’s a feeling we’ve all had: scrolling through social media, hearing about someone else’s promotion, or noticing a peer’s progress in coaching class, and suddenly thinking, I’m behind. Oh god I'm behind.

At Certified Life Coach Institute’s CLCI Live, Sam Gozo (ACC) Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC) sit down to unpack this very human phenomenon, a term we call “comparisonitis.” Together, we explore why comparison shows up so often for both clients and coaches, and how we can shift it from something that steals joy into something that supports authentic growth.

Why We Compare

We are wired for comparison. It’s part of how we learn, measure progress, and orient ourselves socially. From childhood, we notice how quickly our peers walk, talk, or excel in school. Furthermore we have been constantly compared and evaluated by our parents, teachers, and peers. On a developmental level, comparison can be useful. It alerts us when a milestone might need attention, such as a child’s delayed speech, or provides a spark of motivation when we see someone excel in a skill we’d like to build. Without some level of comparison, we’d lose one of our natural feedback loops for growth.

The problem isn’t comparison itself; it’s the way we interpret and internalize it. Instead of treating comparison as data, something neutral that helps us adjust course, we often turn it into a verdict.

Yet in coaching, clients rarely come in saying, “I compare myself too much.” Instead, it shows up in the stories they tell: “Everyone else has it figured out,” or “I’m too far behind to start now.” These statements reveal not just insecurity but a worldview in which self-worth depends on outperforming others. Coaches can listen for these hidden comparisons and invite clients to unpack them. Beneath the surface, there’s often a belief that worth is something proven externally, not something held inherently.

The Dark Side of Comparison

Comparisonitis becomes harmful when it shifts from data-gathering to identity-defining. Instead of noticing someone else’s progress, the client internalizes it as proof of their own inadequacy. In the age of social media, this is amplified tenfold. Clients aren’t just comparing themselves to friends or colleagues, they’re comparing to curated highlight reels, filtered achievements, and milestones stripped of context. Someone else’s career win or vacation snapshot becomes a measuring stick for an entire life.

The danger here is outsourcing identity. Clients may begin chasing goals that don’t align with their values, simply because they believe they should be keeping up. Over time, this drains energy, undermines confidence, and erodes authenticity. Life becomes less about what feels meaningful and more about avoiding the shame of falling behind. Even coaches are not immune; it’s easy to measure one’s practice against another coach’s social presence, client roster, or credentials and feel “less than.” When left unchecked, comparison creates an endless race with no finish line.

The Coaching Opportunity

For coaches, the ethical responsibility is clear: resist the temptation to lean into comparison as a sales tactic. Fear-based marketing thrives on making people feel inadequate, but true coaching is about empowering clients to define success on their own terms. This distinction is critical. Coaching isn’t about replicating the coach’s achievements, it’s about helping clients uncover their own. When a client says, “I just want to be better,” it’s not enough to nod. A coach must gently press: What does better mean to you? Better compared to what, or to whom? Without clarity, the client risks chasing someone else’s definition of success.

Coaches can also normalize the universality of comparison. Clients need to hear that they are not broken or weak for feeling behind, it’s human. But they also need help shifting the focus inward, where real growth happens. That shift might mean reframing a client’s progress not in relation to others but in terms of alignment with their own values and goals. In this way, coaches help clients transform comparison from a trap into a tool.

Coaching Toward Thoughtful Comparison

So how do we work with comparison without letting it consume us? The answer is not to eliminate it, it’s to use it thoughtfully. Just as a mirror can help us adjust our appearance without defining our entire identity, comparison can be a helpful reference point if kept in its proper place.

When clients fall into comparison, coaches can invite them to explore what the feeling reveals. Does the envy point toward a value they want to cultivate? Is it highlighting an area of growth they’ve neglected? Or is it simply the echo of a social script they don’t actually believe in? These questions help clients discern whether comparison is offering useful information or just noise.

For example, a client who feels behind because their peers are buying houses might realize that the reason they want home ownership isn’t actually a personal goal, it’s just a social expectation. Another client might compare themselves to a colleague’s career leap and discover genuine excitement about pursuing a similar path. The coach’s role is to help untangle these moments and bring the client back to their own priorities.

By reframing comparison as information rather than indictment, clients learn to separate inspiration from identity. They can appreciate others’ achievements without letting those achievements define their worth. They can also practice gratitude for where they are, while still pursuing where they want to be.

Comparisonitis is part of being both a coach and a client, but it doesn’t have to run the show. With coaching, clients can shift from “I’m behind” to “I’m on my path.” Coaches, too, benefit from remembering that their work is not about outperforming peers but about staying rooted in their own values and purpose. Thoughtful comparison asks: Does this motivate me toward something authentic, or does it pull me away from who I want to be? Answering that question with honesty is where growth begins.

In the end, comparison can be either a thief of joy or a teacher of truth. For coaches and clients alike, the difference lies in how consciously we engage with it

Thank you,

Sam Gozo (ACC) Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC) Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)

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