Why Are You So Forgetful? Wait...did I already ask that?

Why Are You So Forgetful?

Forgetfulness: it sneaks up on all of us. You walk into a room and immediately forget why. You leave your keys in the fridge. You promise to follow up with a client and completely blank. Forgetting things is a universal part of the human condition, and in coaching, it’s one of those very human things that often goes unnoticed until it quietly undermines progress.

But what causes everyday forgetfulness, and what happens when it becomes a recurring issue? More importantly, what does forgetfulness mean for life coaches and their clients? Is it just a quirk to laugh off or a subtle sign that something deeper needs attention?

So before you forget, join us on CLCI Live as Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC) Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC) we look at and discuss memory and forgetfulness in coaching.

Forgetfulness Isn’t Always Harmless

Forgetting small things might feel like no big deal. But when forgetfulness becomes a pattern, it starts to compound. Missed appointments, forgotten goals, or neglected responsibilities can erode trust in both personal and professional relationships. A client might begin to question their capabilities, and a coach who frequently forgets details might unintentionally diminish their credibility.

Even more insidiously, forgetfulness can affect motivation. If a client constantly forgets what they committed to, they may internalize that as laziness or failure rather than recognizing it as a simple lapse of memory. That sense of discouragement becomes the real problem, not the forgetting itself.

Why We Forget

Memory lapses aren’t always a sign of something wrong. In fact, the brain forgets for a reason: it’s selective. Our minds prioritize what matters most usually based on emotion, repetition, and relevance. Without that, even important info can vanish.

Sometimes forgetfulness is due to transience, the brain’s natural tendency to discard unused information. Other times, it’s absentmindedness, where a person simply wasn’t paying enough attention in the first place. Stress, fatigue, and lack of sleep all inhibit memory formation, as does multitasking. If your brain is juggling three things at once, it’s not going to store a fourth.

Coaches may notice that clients forget their session goals, homework, or breakthroughs not because they don’t care but because they’re overwhelmed, distracted, or exhausted. And coaches, too, are not immune: back-to-back sessions, administrative overload, or emotional fatigue can make it hard to recall even recent conversations.

Forgetfulness in the Coaching Space

Forgetting shows up in coaching in more ways than we often realize:

• A client says they’ll do something, then forgets to follow through.

• A coach recalls a previous session inaccurately, unintentionally skewing context.

• Clients cling to stories or identities built on misremembered narratives.

• Progress stalls, not because of unwillingness, but because the memory of goals or next steps fades into the background.

  
  

But memory isn’t fixed. Coaching can help clients become more intentional about what they remember and how.

Coaching Toward Memory & Follow-Through

One of the simplest and most effective things a coach can do is help clients add emotional significance to their goals. If a client feels nothing about a task, it’s more likely to be forgotten. But when they connect it to a desired feeling, vision, or value? It sticks. Questions like "How will you feel when this is done?" or "What does this goal mean to you?" create emotional markers that help the memory lodge itself more securely.

Coaches can also normalize forgetfulness. Rather than shaming a client for missing a commitment, ask, "How can you support yourself in remembering next time?" This builds both accountability and self-awareness.

When clients repeatedly forget tasks, the issue may not be memory, it may be priority. Coaches can explore what’s getting in the way, whether it’s external stress, a lack of excitement, or fear of progress. Reconnecting to why something matters helps clients shift it higher on their mental to-do list.

You, Coach, Are Not a Reminder App

It can be tempting, especially for people-pleasing coaches, to remind clients about their commitments or act as their accountability crutch. But that’s not your role. Coaching is about empowering clients to take ownership of their choices, including how they remember and follow through.

Instead of chasing clients with reminders, help them create their own systems. This might mean:

• Writing things down

• Setting phone reminders

• Telling a friend or accountability buddy

• Building habits around important actions

Whatever the method, the point is to place responsibility for memory back in the client’s hands, while offering tools to support their success.

When Forgetfulness Signals Something More

Sometimes, chronic forgetfulness might be pointing to something deeper. Clients who report serious memory issues, especially alongside anxiety, sleep loss, or emotional distress, may benefit from medical or psychological support. Coaches are not diagnosticians, but we can refer clients when memory lapses seem outside the bounds of everyday human experience.

Ask: "Do you feel like you need support beyond what coaching can offer?" or "Would you be open to speaking with a medical professional about this?"

These questions keep the door open and respectful, without stepping outside the coach's scope.

Memory Is Emotional—Use That

Ultimately, memory is not just logical, it’s emotional. Smells, sounds, feelings, and sensory experiences all tie into our ability to recall. Clients remember coaching moments not just because of what was said, but because of how they felt in the session.

In that sense, the Maya Angelou quote is more than a platitude: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” As coaches, our impact is not in the data we deliver, but in the emotional resonance we create.

So the next time a client forgets a task, a goal, or even part of your last session, don’t treat it as failure. Treat it as feedback. Memory isn’t perfect, but it can be guided. It can be shaped. And coaching, when done with intention, can help turn forgetfulness into deeper connection, commitment, and self-awareness.

Thank you,

Jen Long (PCC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC) Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)

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