Ditch the idea of Perfect. Today we are praising "good enough".
The Perfectionist & the Overachiever: One and the Same?
Perfectionists and overachievers often set the bar high, but it’s important to recognize that not all high achievers are perfectionists, and not all perfectionists constantly push for more. While perfectionists sweat over the flawless execution of every task, overachievers are driven by the relentless pursuit of success, often measuring their worth by their achievements.
Take, for instance, a coaching client who might delay submitting a project, haunted by the idea it could be better, and the overachiever client who burns the midnight oil to surpass their peers, regardless of the toll it takes. Both strive for excellence but often at the cost of their well-being.
While the challenges are evident, the traits of perfectionism and overachieving can also be immense assets. Coaching clients who are perfectionists & overachievers often are capable of immense transformations and can set new benchmarks for their own measures of success. And yet... it seems that their greatest assets are also their biggest blocks. So what is a coach to do?
Join CLCI Live as conversation on self sabotage continues, this time while Jen Long (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Misha Safran (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Kyle Rodriguez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC) search for the balance and encourage a shift from self-sabotage to sustainable success.
The Dark Sides of Perfectionism & Overachieving
Psychology Today explains that perfectionism can have multiple drives, such as internal (wanting to avoid failure) and social pressures. What is of note is that maladaptive perfectionism can appear as “procrastination, a tendency to avoid challenges, rigid all-or-nothing thinking, toxic comparisons, and a lack of creativity.”
Psychology Today cites Gordon Flett, a leading researcher in the study of perfectionism, saying that “‘The data on perfectionism and actual performance show little payoff in terms of objective achievement’”.
This introduces a paradox: the very traits that are meant to enhance performance—meticulousness, high standards, and relentless pursuit—can hinder it instead. Clients caught in this cycle may find it difficult to appreciate their achievements, perpetually seeing them as inadequate when compared to the unattainable ideal of "perfection".
Just like perfectionism, overachieving has its potential for darkness. Dina Smith writes in the Harvard Business Review about the pattern of increased negative responses from chronic overachievers, that "it can begin with an imbalance in one’s life, leading to neglecting your needs" and the needs of others, which in turn affects physical and mental health. Smith points out that overachievers “often command and coerce, stifling subordinates, and deflating team morale and performance.” In the end, this chronic overachieving leads to burn out.
For as good as the perfect outcome might look, the maladaptive perfectionism and chronic overachiever ultimately sabotage their own satisfaction and successes.
In Praise of "Good Enough"
"Good Enough" isn't just a mantra for the complacent; it's a vital approach for those who understand the true value of their efforts and know when an objective has been satisfactorily met. In the realm of coaching, where perfectionism and overachieving are common traits among clients, embracing "good enough" can transform how they perceive success and their approach to goals. Here are some tips on how to bridge that gap:
Foster Reflection, Not Correction: Instead of pointing out what's wrong or missing in your clients' efforts, encourage them to reflect on their methods and achievements. Ask open-ended questions that help them consider the value of their progress and what "good enough" looks like for them.
Challenge Assumptions: Many clients hold unexamined beliefs about what success and "perfect" must look like. Through thoughtful questioning, help them explore these assumptions. What does success really look like, feel like, sound like to them? Is their vision of success based on their own values or someone else's expectations? Can anything really be considered perfect?
Define Success Holistically: Guide clients to define success not just in terms of outcomes but in terms of the journey and personal growth. Success might include learning new skills, improving relationships, or gaining a deeper understanding of one's self, which are not quantifiable by traditional standards but are still significant.
Promote Balanced Goals: Work with clients to set goals that are ambitious yet achievable, and which consider all facets of their lives. This balance helps prevent the burnout that often comes from chasing unrelenting standards of perfection or from moving the goalpost.
Identify Moments for Self-Compassion: Ask into how and when it is appropriate for the clients to be both critical and kind to themselves. As well, how and when do they recognize the effort they put into their endeavors?
Celebrate "Good Enough": When a client meets a goal, spend time acknowledging (not praising) that achievement, no matter how small.
The coaching session should be a space where clients feel safe to explore their fears and ambitions without judgment on certain personality traits, whether that's a tendency to overachieve. It’s about the client's growth and understanding, facilitated by your guidance, not about providing direct solutions.
"Good enough" then isn't just a compromise but a recognition of what truly matters in their pursuit of goals.
Thank you,
Jen Long (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Misha Safran (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Kyle Rodriguez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)!
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